Tuesday, 4 September 2012

15 Second Review: Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

There are very few things you need to know about Cheerleader Massacre. Luckily for anyone that hasn’t seen it, I am here to supply those details.

1) The film is very loosely attached to the Slumber Party Massacre series. Brinke Stevens from Slumber Party Massacre cameos in Cheerleader Massacre, and footage from Slumber Party Massacre is included in Cheerleader Massacre. For some reason, this appears to have caused much disagreement among forum members as to whether it belongs to the series or not. I’m not sure I care either way.

2) The clip from Slumber Party Massacre stands out like a sore thumb much like explosion footage taken from Humanoids From the Deep (1980). The latter two were filmed on celluloid, so their splicing into a DV shot movie does not work especially well. It is quite endearing that they tried to get away with it though.

3) In the same vein, the film’s trailer features a number of shots that do not appear in Cheerleader Massacre. Again, some of these appear to be shot on filmstock rather than DV. Is this a glaring admission that the film is not very good? The distributors could not find enough footage to fill even a text-heavy one minute trailer.

4) The film’s director Jim “why not?” Wynorski also directed Ghoulies IV (1994), the Shannon Tweed vehicle Body Chemistry IV (1995), and more recently the barely passable softcore porn films The Da Vinci Co-ed (2007), Cleavagefield (2009), and The Hills Have Thighs (2010). So, puns are not his strong point. Neither is quality control.
5) The Film 2000 release of Cheerleader Massacre features a four-star review as its box blurb cited to ’Biggora’. From what I have been able to find, ‘Biggora’ is just someone who bought the DVD and reviewed it on Amazon. Alarm bells should ring, especially given that Film 2000 reproduce Biggora’s incorrect spelling of ‘definitely’ (‘definately’) on the box cover.

6) As for content, there is little footage that strays from a well-mapped cliche-ridden path. The does film features a scene in which the three eponymous cheerleaders strip off and share a “romantic” interlude in a hot-tub (this seems to be enough to garner Biggora’s four stars). What makes this notable for me is that the cheerleaders spread chocolate syrup on each other during the sequence. I can’t wrap my head around the thought-process. Hot-tub … chocolate syrup. Hot-tub……………. chocolate syrup.

…I just don’t get it.

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