Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Saw Cruise

Fandom can lead some people to do crazy things. For those losing their grip on rationality, the kind folks at http://www.bocaratontravelgroups.com/images/SawatSea.pdf are offering this sensational holiday package:

Now, look closely at who is aboard for the trip. That is right, you get to hang out with Ned Bellamy aka 'Jeff the Drill Chair Man', who made it to the screen for 90 seconds in 2004. Hmmm. How about Dan Yeager? How he really is 'Big News'. After all, he appears as Leatherfa... wait a minute. That isn't Saw. I thought this was a Saw cruise? Oh I see, my fault, his name is tenuously linked to the franchise by the word "saw" itself. He is 'the man behind the chain-SAW', no less.

Well, okay, so much for the 'Saw-celeberities' (surely "Saw-lebrities"?). Perhaps they have honed the activities to make the whole thing more Saw-y. And yes, here it is: experience the sheer unrelenting terror of... hang on a minute. That luxury cabin doesn't look all that grim to me.

I certainly don't remember a 'dance party' being part of the Saw experience. In fact, the only 'pool party'-like scenarios I remember were the pit of dirty hypodermic needles in Saw II and the "drowning in a vat of putrid pig-liquid" incident in Saw III. I thought I had seen all of the films, but evidently I missed the sequel that featured the 'open bar' and the 'pre-paid gratuities'. As for 'Win Prizes', how about the goddamn 'gift of life'?

I am not saying that I want to go on a cruise tour where I am summarily tortured (although perhaps all of these promises are a sadistic ruse...). However, this cruise has swung too far into shiny "Saw-tastic" terrain. At minimum I hope that a Billy Puppet cycles into every room in the middle of the night to inform the passengers that he wants "to play a game"

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